Batpig Xtreme
by Super Hurricane
Summary: A Wigglytuff blasting away in Gotham, Gatomon has the Magical Ginzu Sword, and Wizardmon has contacts?!? What is this? It's my own way of accepting Kawaii Lil' Lia's contest!


Batpig Xtreme!  
  
By Super Hurricane, a guy with a case of a dry summer's heat bearing down his antics.  
  
Disclaimer: This is only for Kawaii Lil' Lia's contest, and therefore Batpig, Batpig Girl and Dead Wonder are and forever be hers. The Wigglytuff is Double 0 Wiggly's property, and if anyone crosses it, I'll squeal and she'll have your face in front of her Giant Shotgun of Doom. Any digimon belong to Toei, I think that Pokemon is also from Toei, but I can't remember.  
  
*-me  
  
  
  
It wasn't the best time to be in Gotham City at the time if you were a Pokemon fanatic. Across the streets, is the laugher of a Gargomon and a blue wide-eyed Wigglytuff running around with semi-automatic machine-guns, blasting away at Pikachu's and other cute Pokemon, who were just trying to get away. Of course, that Wigglytuff had a gun permit, so the cops left them alone. The careful eyes of Batpig watch over the city, and sweeps his cape of peace to insure the safety of all, but first, a pit stop, the narrator needs to go to the bathroom.  
  
The Gotham Private Museum of Manga! The least heavily guarded building in the city, and yet, made a large profit from tourists all over the world. This building houses some of the most deadly weapons from every anime, and there was only one or two guards during the night shift, and there's the restroom, I'll speak awhile he's super-glued to the seat. A fatal error indeed as he will spend days in there.  
  
Sccccccrrreeech! Thunk! Those were the sounds of a glass panel being cut open by some razor sharp claws. The alarm was deactivated for the night watchmen were going around the trip wires, a perfect opportunity for a quick snatch and go.   
  
With the help of some rope, a dark figure climbed down, but landed on her tail when it snapped."Oh *beep*" the figure cursed under her breath, and nimbly crawled forward on her betty. According to the map, only a laser grid stood in her way. Inhaling all the air, she then exhaled, unleashing a powerful belch of bad breath, composed of garlic, rotten fish heads, and Mrs. Kamiya's mystery veggie meat. The stench showed where the wires were in the dark, and it seemed that it was a foot taller than her head. Another security mistake.   
  
Walking past the laser grid, she was face-to-face with a glass case, holding a sword in a sheath. The words on its platform read, "Magical Ginzu Sword, please do not steal." She grinned as she lifted the glass case off it, "This is almost too easy." She purred. A smoke bomb landed, and rolled onto her foot. She looked at it puzzlingly. Then the smoke poured out and now she was hacking up a furball because of it.  
  
"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I have eaten 2 cups of birdseed in my salad! I am Batpig!"  
  
"And I'm Batpig Girl, hand over the sword you fleabag!"  
  
"No offense Gatomon, I may be the Dead Wonder, but you smell like you hadn't have a bath in weeks."  
  
Gatomon/ Catwoman snarled at the trio, as she realized she was out numbered three-to-one, and yet, she smiled. "Fools, I now possess the raw power of the Samurai Pizza Cat called Speedy. Any cat with a heart such as mine can operate it with ease." She flicked out her whip in the air and caught hold of a ventilation pipe, and swung over it, exiting by skylight. "If you want me, come and catch me."  
  
Acting quickly, the trio flew up through the hole in the skylight and went face-to-face with Catwoman. She gestured Batpig to come towards her. The hero of hope and justice came over and stood a few feet away from her. "Tell me, Batpig, are you feeling cold in that silly uniform? Because I can turn up the heat. Heeya!" Clang! Clang! She struck over and over again, missing the Pork Knight by a few feet each time.   
  
"Batpig Girl, what's the status for the belts? Anything that can stop her?" asked Batpig frantically avoiding the blade and it demolished anything it hit.  
  
The beaked crimefighter glanced down at her belt, "Well, even though you two are really hitting it off, I suppose you need help in combat. Let's see, we have a new author for this spin-off, what does he have in mind?"  
  
Four words: Batpig Ball of Yarn  
  
Batpig Girl blinked, "I mean as a weapon."  
  
*Please, it's the best way to knock her out*  
  
Our winged co-star sighed, "Okay, Batpig, catch!" she said as she threw it over the felines head to our flappy eared hero.   
Batpig caught it, and stared, "How can I measure this up to the sword, she'll just cut it in half."  
  
But Catwoman also noticed the ball and opened her mouth, dripping saliva, and her eyes watered. "Must…have… Yarn. " She pounced at him, ready to unleash her Lightning Punch to grab the yarn, tossing away the magical Ginzu Sword, impaling a iron maiden.  
  
"Oh boy." Stammered our hero as he was about to be KOed. Dead Wonder, who hasn't done much in this fanfic except for throwing the smokebomb, saw his chance to the hero for a change. He thrust forward and rammed the Pork Knight away from the blast. Ka-boom! The mighty Lightning Punch hit him hard and well, and knocked him across the museum with no difficulty. Of course, in doing so, he also knocked over priceless artifacts and paintings, and broke most of them. Saving Gotham was one thing for Batpig, saving ancient junk is another. Besides, Insurance will pay for the damage.   
  
"Dead Wonder!" cried out Catwoman, as she dashed over to her friend, who was nearly unconscious.  
  
"Heads up!" yelled Batpig, as he recovered from the hit,and threw the yarn at her. The yarn hit her dead-on, and to their surprise, it engulfed her with string, like a Garfield comic strip.   
  
*My personal favorite: The String 'um up ball. Works every time.*  
  
Batpig girl stared up through the screen of the author's monitor,"You know, I really don't understand the jokes. Are you sure that you are following the storyline?"  
  
*Look, I started this on last Wednesday, and ended it on Thursday, give me a break. I can't be expected to make it like Lia, she has the talent, not me.*  
  
Wizardmon woke up, after getting tears streaming down his robe by Batpig, and looked at our hero oddly, "Did anyone get the license plate of that Domino's delivery car? Urhhhh" He fainted once again, and Batpig got out the one thing strong enough to wake him. The dirty socks from Tai's underwear drawer that have been on the floor for two years. The stench of them reached inside Wizardmon's nose, and woke up up good, causing him to bulch and make sick sounds. He then proceeded to run outside of the museum, and was arrested by a passing police car, picking up anyone who looks like a kid, after curfew.   
  
"I'm telling you officers, I'm a Digimon. A Di-gi-mon. Can you speak english?" asked Wizardmon as he was escorted into the policecar with shackles on. Ironically, the two cops were Mexican border crossers in fake uniforms and spoke no english. The police car then drove off, but stopped when the red stop light turned on for the next block. A Wigglytuff ran across the right road and took out a shotgun, and blasted the front window, missing both officers and our mouthless co-star. The glass shattered and Dead Wonder took this time to escape, "Thunder Ball!"  
  
The blast broke the door down, and Dead Wonder ran off, to re-join his friends, who were sending Gatomon to Obedience School. The nice men in white, cat-dung clothes waved good-bye to Batpig and Batpig Girl, who were glad to see Gatomon off at last. Batpig broke the silence after a few minutes. "Well, thank goodness for small miracles, I wasn't totally embarrassed and the author didn't make me a weakling."  
  
*Trust me, Batpig, after this, it's back to Lia, for you. One silly guy in my room is enough, and that's my brother. Sorry.*  
  
The Dead Wonder ran up to the two crimefighters as they were glancing at each other, admiring each others faces and caing about each other's well being, "Hello? Is there something I missed between you two?" (Cue reddened faces on Batpig and Batpig girl as they turn their heads away from each other.)   
  
"Nope, you didn't miss much, Dead Wonder. What time do you have?" asked Batpig to his watch carrying companion.  
  
Wizardmon looked down at his watch. "Hmm, about quarter to 10:00 PM, I suppose. I should have not let Gatomon punch me, my contacts fell out."  
  
Batpig yelped, "Omigosh, Cindy, my Raw Steak girlfriend, wanted me to come over to her with some ketchup and mustard."  
  
(Cue big sweatdrops on Batpig Girl and Dead Wonder.)  
  
"What?" asked Batpig. Crack!  
  
"My contacts!" proclaimed Dead Wonder, pointed at the shattered glass under Batpig's paw.  
  
  
*And so, the adventure continues!*  
  
  
  
  
  
I can't understand why you rush so much through this story chain, SH. So many unsolved questions.  
  
*It's a living. Besides, I want to compete, even though Chibi has the upper hand.*   
  
Never give up, that's what you always say to me. And look how I came out to be.  
  
*A sugar-driven chore-doing hungry Wormmon?*  
  
Hey, I do eat, you know.  
  
*Sure, about every three weeks, and even these are meager.*   
  
Ok, that's it. I'm suspending all meals for 3 days, SH, till you learn some manners.  
  
*Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!*  
  
  



End file.
